Deathwish
by Beautrice
Summary: Yet another zany adventure begins when Zim meets the mysterious Kimi. This hair - raising (the hair on your eyebrow) adveture contains unpronouncable names, new characters, and the notorious Vash the Stampede!


Comedy

Caution: Not for people without any sense of humor. Or for people that can't read this. ENJOY! : )

Disclaimer: Invader ZIM and all characters belong to Jhonen Vazquez. Vash the Stampede belongs to Yasuhiro Nightow. Cten (Invader ZIM) is a fancharacter, belonging to Tina Fazzalari.

Deathwish

One

It all starts on a cold, dark, and dry night on the blood red Planet Irk. Just a few hours ago, all of the female working slaves had snuck from the kitchen, through a jungle of cords, up a freezing air duct, under many important rooms, and to the secret teleporter to their home planet from the Tallest to get a little break. Alas, their leader Kimi forgot to figure that they can't return, unless if they wanted to attempt walking around without a head.

Kimi earned her leadership by blowing away the Tallest with powerful psychic blasts, and then got sent to execution, But the guards were dumb enough to forget to take off ''the necklace''. Bye bye, security. Nonetheless, she didn't get away, and almost killed herself and all galaxies around her with her own necklace because they remembered to take it off, and used it against her, not knowing exactly how to use it. She surrendered and then pleaded to get a maiden job, so they agreed. They didn't give her the necklace, though and kept it in a case where she couldn't get it. she had to wear an itchy power band that kept control of her energy, but didn't let her use her use her powers to get away.

But thanks to her wonderful optomisim, she never gave up. After attempting for the thirty - fifth time, she finally got it, and ran off with her friends. Poor Cten, she really wanted that Royal Toilet Scrubbing Promotion.

Back on planet Earth, Gir once again got his fat head stuck in one of the elevators . This elevator is in fact a toilet in the kitchen.

"Not _again_...." Zim mumbled to himself.

"Gir!!! I want in my labs now!! I must start working on my new disguise before anyone else notices!!!" he said impatently.

"Errrrmgh! Eerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh! I can't! If I pull any harder I'll fart!!!" Gir managed to say.

"Ooh, I sure don't want that to happen," Zim shuddered. He pondered a moment. "I GOT IT!!!

Gir, drink the soda, and belch as loud as possible! I'm so...ingenious!"

"Okey - dokey...smokey!" Gir saluted. He pulled out a twelve pack of "Poop Cola" and drank the whole thing. He waited and then....."BURRRRRRRRRRRRP." He exploded out of the toilet, blasted through the wall, and tore through three houses incuding a beehive with Africanized Killer Bees in it.

"This is the best day of my LIFE!!!!!" he said as he was being stung violently by thousands of bees.

"I gotta get away from here," Kimi said to herself."But I don't want to leave all of you here, especally Cten and Sky. "

"Oooh!! Oooh!! I know! we can go to planet Earth! Me and BEK overheard the Tallest while they were talking to Zim," Squealed Cten. Everybody screamed, exept Kimi - she made a sigh.

"Aaaack!! she mentioned the short guy with tiny brains!!!!" jumped Bloochy.

"Would you stop calling Zim(screams from everybody) that dumb name you made up?! Your brains are just as tiny as his for all I know." grunted Aga."Although it's fitting for his....limited personality."

"Hey! Wait a minute! Didn't Kimi say she only wanted to take Sky and Cten with her the most?" said Rae, who is practically half robot.

"Yeah!" said all of the other maids.

"I didn't say that!" Kimi snapped. "I said:_ 'I don't want to leave all of you here, especially Cten and Sky.'" _ Besides, I would never be that kind of person, Stupid."

Rae concern turned into rage. "Take that back!!!"

She pulled back her fist and shoved it at her, but she got hurt instead! Kimi had a barrier around her.

"Oh right. The rock...Oww..." She said faintly, rubbing her crunched hand.

Just then, a high - pitched screaming noise sounding like fireworks rang through the air, and bright lights filled the black sky. An invasion was beginning.

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!" yelled Cten.

"WE'RE ALL DOOMED!!!!! cried Demetra.

"Goodbye Me!!! I'll miss you!!!" Yik whined, hugging herself.

"Not if I can help it!" said Kimi, snatching Sky and Cten and darted off into the sky.

"KIMI!!! You forgot the rest of them!!!" Sky said urgently.

Kimi flew back as fast as she could, but it was too late. The mighty Planet Irk was destroyed.

"No...this...can't be..." Kimi said as her eyes welled up with tears. "My friends...."

"Hey guys, look!" pointed Sky. All of her friends were being thrown out of the planet's orbit, flying towards Gornk, the planet with lots of tofu.

"Wonderful! I just hope it's cooked right..." Kimi scowled. "But just in case..."

she accidentally sent them to the Planet of Flying Dooky.

"Hey? Isn't that the Flying Dookie Planet, home of the vengeful dookians?" asked Sky.

"Yup." Kimi said in a plain voice like it was nothing. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! This doesn't taste like tofu!!!!!!!! said Yik.

"I think it does." Bloochy said contently." How did they make it taste so nutty?"

Two

"Yes!!!! Yes!!!! My disguise is almost complete! I can see it now..."

Zim starts to daydream. He starts by walking around in his new disguise, and when he was in a crowd, They suddenly start to bow down to him, because his disguise is so superior and ingenious.

"This will be a snap!" Zim said dreamily."Hmm. It's too quiet. I wonder what Gir's doing?"

Then, Zim starts to dream again. He dreams that Gir is planning a devious plot to take over the world. Gir had a black upside - down crecent moon on his head, the symbol of the Negaverse. The moon glittered with a black tint. Gir itched it. He chuckled. "My idiot master will bow down to me, and so will the WORLD!!!!! WHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! But they won't bow down before my dialougue, that's for sure."

"Gir will NOT take my mission away from me!!!!" Zim said angrily. He worked on his disguise faster.

Six months later...

_" Three bottles of Cherry Poop on the wall, Three bottles of Cherry Poop, take one down, pass it around, Two bottles of Cherry Poop on the wall!"_ sang Cten, annoying the heck out of Sky and Kimi. BEK had herself turned off after five hundred and sixty - six.

"SHUT UP!!!! said Sky irritably. Kimi went ahead and put a zipper on her mouth. Cten unzipped it and continued to sing. _"Two bottles of Cherry Poop on the wa-"_

Kimi put a lock on her mouth and ate the key. "That should hold you for a bit," Kimi said, satisfied.

"Hey! I think I see a planet coming up!! Sky said happily. Her robot C.C. popped out of her ID pack. "Really? Let me check..."

C.C.'s analyzers started to pick up data as they neared the planet. "Yay! Planet Earth!" They all celebrated.

"Alright! Let's pick up some speed, shall we?" Kimi rejoyced. Kimi went at almost lightspeed towards Earth.

Back on Earth, Zim was heading to Skool with his new disguise. It was much uglier and creepier than the other one.

"Finally! My perfected disguise is completed!! Now! Time to enslave the Earth!!! Zim said triumphly. Gir sat in front of the TV and was eating a few breakfast taquitos.

"YAY TAQUITOS!!!"

Suddenly, there was a roaring sound in the air. A huge fireball streaked through the morning sky. The roar was so loud that it shook the ground. And then, there was a brilliant flash that blinded everybody in the city. The object threw dust and debris in a four - mile radius. Another flash blew away all of the dust. It started to rain. You could hear screams of agony from the three Irkens - they had no idea that rain was harmful.

"Irkens! They have come to take my mission! Or are they allies? I shall find out. But first... Gir! Bring me the paste!!"

"Yes, my lord!"

Gir pressed a big, blue button that said "paste bath" and a giant container of paste was dumped on Zim. He wiped off the paste on his mouth and ran outside towards the screaming.

At Dib's house, Dib was putting on his raincoat. He wanted to investigate the screaming, too.

"More Ailens! I bet they are Irkens coming to breed so they can overrun the world with Zim's offspring! Dib said, quivering.

"Shut up! I don't want to hear anything about that while I'm eating." Gaz said crossly.

"I was only trying to be scientific," Dib remarked.

"Science bites!" Gaz said, throwing her breakfast in his face.

Zim was moments away from finding the source of the screams.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! What is this magic?! Kimi cried.

"Wet and evil magic! OOOOOOOOOWWWWWWIIIIIIEEEE!!!" Cten retorted.

"I can't find a spell to protect us from it!" Kimi grieved.

Zim does his famous wild battle cry, jumps in the air, and attacks Kimi. He holds up his raygun to her forehead.

"WHO SENT YOU?!" he yelled in her face.

"I SENT MYSELF!!!!" she says with anger.

"Then why are you here?" he growls, cautiously backing away.

"We're runaways," Sky replies. "We thought it would be safer here."

"Safer here my behiney!" Zim exclaimed. "It's a living nightmare on this planet. I honor My Tallest for sending me on such a jeopardizing mission."

"Hey! I'm not in pain anymore!" Cten said, quickly changing the subject.

"Me niether!" Sky graces.

"Zim..." Kimi says like she's drifting away.

"That's freaky...how did you know my name?"

Kimi stared into his eyes lovingly. She stepped closer to him. He backed away.

She was about to tackle him, when Sky held her back.

"Hold on there, Juliet."

"I want, I want...." Kimi sniveled, reaching out to him.

"Want what?" Zim asked, cocking his head.

"You."

Zim's eyes grew very, very small. He coughed.

"Uh, well, I..."

"Oh I'm so sorry, Zim," Cten said, interpreting. "She cannot control her emotions towards these matters very well, so you'll have to be a little careful around her."

"I'm already taking notice of that," Zim replied.

Kimi's eyes flashed a emerald green and Sky flew backwards.

"Don't do that ever again," Kimi growled menacingly. "Or I will crack your head open like an egg."

Sky nodded quickly.

"Hm...This irken may be useful on my mission," Zim muttered to himself.

"Well, I can get a little firey in the anger department," she said. "Otherwise I'm pretty nice."

"How did you make her fly into the wall without touching her?" he asked.

"Simple, it's a little magic trick of mine."

"You know magic?"

"Yes, and as a matter of fact, I was born with it. If you will let me and all of us be your allies, I will tell you how I got these powers."

"Okay, okay...JUST TELL ME ALREADY!!!"

"I'm a pureheart."

Just to tell you, a pureheart is an exlucively rare Irken with a heart that contains unexplainable powers.

They sometimes carry special jewelry (like Kimi's necklace) to transfer it's power easier, and to keep it from exluding too much power.

"And how do _you_ know? Just because you got that pretty necklace, does **not** mean you are an exclusively rare, mythical pureheart with unexplainable powers! I don't partake in this nonsense about them!" Zim implied. "It's only a myth! "

"No it's not," Cten says placidly. "See for yourself.."

Kimi nods. She waves her arms . A dazzling, black pendant melted through her chest. Zim was completely speechless, and stared with pure amazement, and even more disbeilef.

"Its' soo pretyyyy!" BEK oozed with stupidity.

"Aww, man, This isn't going to be one of those "magical romance stories",is it?" Sky complained.

"I don't know. I hope not." Cten murmured. The rain comes to a slow halt.

Dib finally arrives at the scene, with a dirty diaper on top of his rather large head and some rotting goat cheese stuck to his leg.

"I knew this day would come! I'm going to take pictures!" Dib squealed like a hysterical pig.

"You. A little to the left," he said pointing to Kimi. And you, kneel a little bit." he said pointing to Cten. "Now, say paranormal!"

"What brings you here, zombie - stink child? Zim snorted.

"You really need to pay attention in speech class." Dib stopped to clear his throat. "...Anyway, I've come to study your mating rituals," he said courageously.

"EEEW!" Sky complained.

Zim chuckled. "The only thing you've come to see is your pants over your head," Zim huffed, then hacked from Dib's awful smell.

He shoves Dib around the corner.

Dib started to yell.

Zim dusted his hands, pleased. Dib follows, with his underwear over his head.

"The owner of the white sedan, you left yer lights on. No, wait. These are my Friday underwear!"

"But it's Monday," Zim said.

"I HATE MONDAY!" Dib struggled to say."I'm gonna get you for this, ZIM!!"

In a few seconds, his underpants snapped back where they belong, only his head wasn't where it belonged...

"Uh-huh, sure, Sir- Stinks- Alot," Zim smirked.

The three girls were laughing their heads off, looking at Dib.

In the biggest Armada ship, all heck rose in the main chamber, where the Tallest hang out--and eat. And eat some more. And tease Zim.

"We're going to have to put aside Operation Impending Doom II for awhile," Red said soberly.

"WHILE WE DIE OF _PANIC_!!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHH-Oomph!!" Purple shrieked as he fell over his chair.

"Aww, quit your bawling," Red scorned. "I'm sending the troops now."

There was a giant kaboom.

"What was that?" Purple asked.

"Our troops," Red squeaked as his eyes became as small as this period at the end of this sentence.

"Can we panic now?" Purple inquired.

"Yes, Purple. We can panic now."

They sent a transmission to Zim.

Zim turned on his watch for their message.

"Yes my Tallest?" Zim chimed. The message was:

"YYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

"....That doesn't happen everyday...." Kimi leered.

"Guys, our home planet's at stake, we have to save it." Zim says solemnly. "For our planet -"

"And our Tallest!" Cten says with heroisim.

"That's the spirit!" Kimi says morphing into a football coach. "Now, git out there and let's win!" She blew a whistle.

"MONKEYPOOP!!!" HEE HEEE HEEEE!!!" Gir shouted.

"GIR!? What are you doing here?! You are supposed to be watching the base!!" Zim shouted.

"Ohhh, I forgot that part. I came out to play in the mud!" Gir said cheerfully. "Whee!"

Gir slides into the mud and splashes it everywhere.

"Come to think of it, I think I want to join too, ma'am," BEK says to Cten.

"Go ahead! Have some fun before we set out on our way back," Cten replies.

"But, we've only been here for twenty minutes!" Sky whined." Don't we have a faster way to get there?"

"As a matter of fact, I think we do," Cten said. " I have noticed Kimi has figured out the lightspeed spell."

"Nearly," Kimi said. "I think I have it now."

"Hey! All of us need to come!" Zim said stamping his foot. She's only got two arms!"

"Oh, I already have that taken care of," Kimi says nonchalantly. "I know that spell."

"Are we going to run a game show or are we gonna get goin'?" C.C. cried eagerly.

"We shall go," Zim concluded. "Under one condition."

"And on what condition is that?" Kimi asked, perking up her antennae.

" No Dib."

"Whaat? Who's Dib? "

"Him." Zim pointed to Dib, who was still trying to undo his extremely uncomfortable position.

"...Him?" Kimi snickered.

"Yep."

"I sense no danger," Cten said with a giggle.

Then, the tornado alarm was going off.

"What'd I win?" Cten whispered to Kimi. She shrugged.

"I see no tornadoes!" Zim discoveres, and pressing the sides of his head to prevent a headache from the tremendous noise.

"I won a natural disaster?"

"The sky is clear of any danger," Sky said " That's what my senses tell me."

"ATTENTION CITIZENS!!! VASH THE STAMPEDE HAS BEEN SPOTTED. PLEASE RETURN TO YOUR HOMES AT ONCE!"

A nearby hobo hides in his box and whines like a sick dog. A few people scream in terror as they run to their houses and lock the door.

"Vash?! Could it be?!" Cten panicked. "No! It's not POSSIBLE! HOW'D I WIN _HIM_???"

"Who is this Vash the Stampede?" Zim demanded. " And why do they fear _it_ instead of Zim, the lord of all humans - to - be?"

Suddenly...

" Oh crud! Oh crud! Oh crud! OH CRUD!!!" A towering man with blonde, spiky hair, a red jacket, black boots, and raidiant, green, eyes, which were wide with fear. He was running for his life, while about twelve hilbillies were running after him with shotguns. When C.C. saw this, she started to play a banjo.

As he shot down the alley like a jackrabbit, he ran into the mud puddle Gir was in, and Gir clung to him!

"WHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHEHEEHEHEHEHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" said a very happy Gir.

"Gir!!! Come back here! Obey! OBEY your MASTER!!" Zim roared.

"HEY! Get off of me! Vash sniveled.

"HEY! Come back here, you stinky human!" Zim jeered.

"HEY! Wait for us!" the girls yelled.

"HEY," Gaz bellowed.

"WHAT?!" everyone spat.

"STOP SAYING 'HEY!' "

"Aw, alright." everybody said.

Three

"Come...back...here," Zim panted."Oyf." He tripped and fell over his own foot. He felt a bit of pain, and then he had lots of energy.

"Thank you!" Zim shouted to Kimi.

"Anytime!" Kimi called back.

Zim finally caught up to him.

"HA! Gotcha! Now gimme my robot-- I mean, dog!" Zim said right in his ear.

"Here, take him!" he said desperately.

Vash shoved the robot into his face, and kicked him at the same time.

"Oops! sorry!"

"I order you to stop! RIGHT NOW!!!" Kimi commanded Vash.

"NO!" he retorted.

"Don't make me use this!" She pointed to her shard.

"What's that do?!"

"I WARNED YOU! Now I'm using it!" she zapped him with a blue beam, and he stopped right in his tracks.

"Where'd you get that?" he questioned.

Kimi shrugged. "I dunno. But I have a feeling that mob over there is your reason that you were running from all of us."

"My point exactly," Vash said with growing fear. "Do something with your hokey - pokey magic so they won't shoot me!"

"I don't think that's nesessary," Kimi said wryly. "Girls! Attack style 623 Alpha!

Cten and Sky's spiderlegs sprouted, and they immediately started scraping the ground as they neared closer to the mob, sharpening them to a very fine point for making them into mob shishkabobs.

"Run away!" the mob screeched. "We'll git that money someday! You can bet your stupid hairdo on it!"

"My hair isn't stupid."

"Monies? What monies?" Cten said.

"Oh. Heh, ...um..." Vash studdered.

"Well?" Cten cooed.

"...I'm wanted for thirty billion dollars on this planet, and $60 billion double - dollars on my planet.

Zim, Kimi, Cten, Sky, and even the robots stared in disbelief at him, at each other. Zim slowly pulled out his gun, hands shaking like a baby rattlesnake's tail.

"No! Lemme kill him! Sky said bitterly.

"I NEED THE MONIES!!" Cten rawled.

"NO, ZIM NEEDS MONIES! Zim bellowed in their faces.

They fumbled with the laser and tried to pull it away from each other.

The laser fired, but not at Vash.

First, the blistering hot beam flew into a woman's apartment home and bounced off her mirror while she was putting on her makeup for her date and she accedentally scribbled her lipstick all over her face. Then, it flew into a dweeb's thick, dorky glasses. After that, it bounced all over a bike reflector shop, screaming right through the storekeeper's toupee, setting it aflame. and finally made it's last stop in a chubby woman's bottom...while she had indigestion. So the whole gasoline and propane store exploded.

"HE DID IT!" Sky said pointing to Vash.

"Oy, can you do anything else than destroy everything around us?" Kimi grunted.

"Uhhhh....." Gir's brain twiched, with drool forming a miniature puddle by his left foot.

BEK snapped out of her trance from staring at the smoldering flames.

"Oh, when are we going to leave?"

"Leave where?" Vash said, scruintized.

"Nowhere of your concern, nosy human. Why must you ask?"

"Well wouldn't you like to know?" Vash quipped.

"Nobody, especially nosy ones, retorts at Zim!!"

"Guys, guys, cool your tempers. There's no reason to argue."

"Yeah, she's right. I apologize for my inhospitality, little one." Vash said.

Zim glared at him with bloodshot eyes, clenching his teeth so hard you could hear them giving way.

"Heh, sorry."

"Vash, I need to ask you something." Cten said nervously.

"And What would that be, miss?" Vash inquired.

"Why is your death so valued?"

"...That...that's just something that I'd rather not talk about."

"Goodness! I'm sorry! I didn't know." Cten cried, biting her nails through her gloves.

"It's okay," Vash sighs. "Some people don't know, but everybody on my planet does.

He remembers all of the people he killed...the ruins he left... it pained him to think of it all.

"Yes. People are also afraid of you 'cause a thing called trouble keeps following you wherever you go."

"Aw, Don't rub it in!" C.C. snapped at Kimi.

"Oopsies," I made him cry.

Tears gush out of his eyes. All of the horrible memories were throwing him into an abyss of pure sorrow and pain. All of those innocent people...dead. All because of him. Or at the least, his evil brother, which he defeated in battle.

"What a baby." Zim mumbled, rolling his eyes.

Kimi, however, was rolling around and screaming with agony not from his mind she was reading, but from something else that is a mystery as of now.

"Something's wrong! What's happening to me?! Oh! the PAIN!!! MAKE IT STOP!!" Kimi groaned.

True, she was in so much pain, she started to bleed uncontrollably,and wirthed around like she was having a sizeure.

"Whooooaaaa!!" Zim cried, as his body was pulled toward Kimi's body. That force dropped him on top of her and forced his head onto hers, looking very much like a kiss.

"It's like Degrassi, exept with little scary green people." said Vash.

Sky fainted.

BEK and C.C. fainted at the same time like they blew a circut or something.

A glittering blue and red glow came from both of them. The moon glowed out of tint and a big flash of light came form both of them. You could hear strange music.

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!" they yelled. Their foreheads glowed, and so did their eyes and chests. A picture flashed of two souls locking together. And then the light dimmed.

"I think I lost my eyesight. either that, or my mind." Cten said blankly.

"Are you guys okay?" Vash said worriedly.

"Yeah, we're just peachy." Zim said. "Gah!! My head!"

"That music scared the poo out of me!" Kimi whined.

"Scared me too," Vash agreed.

"Zzz...?! What I miss?!" Sky said as she sat up. She looked at Kimi who was bloody, Cten still fanning herself, Zim with a blood smear on his lips, the two robots lying there, and the sound of Enya ringing in her ears.

Zim was rubbing his toungue on Vash's jacket. "Ew! Blecch! Disgusting!! What came over me!?"

"I dunno, but I thought it was cool!" Vash said eccentricly.

Kimi muttered some gibberish in Irken.

"Oh, that's nice...wait a minute...hey! You should be honored to even be _looked at _by ZIM!"

"Alright, let's go!" Vash said exitedly.

"Who said you were coming?" Zim said sticking up his chin. I cannot say " He stuck up his nose" because you can't see it. Therefore, It would be silly to me if I said that, now wouldn't it?

"I did," Kimi said.

"Why?! He is a_ hyooman_! I'll die of his horrible....smell!"

"Nonsense! He isn't a human!" Cten said before Kimi.

"Then what is he?"

"A hu-"

"What is he?!"

"A h-"

"What is he?!"

"A-"

"WHAT IS HE!?"

"A HUMANOID YOU INSIGNIFICANT FOOL!!!" Kimi said angrily. "TIME TO GO!"

Kimi took off faster than light itself, and Zim was yelling his nuclear - green head off his neck by how fast she was going. BEK's cheeks blew out with her toungue flapping like a bloodhound with it's head out of the window, enjoying the breeze. Only she wasn't enjoying the breeze all that much. And Vash's ankles were practically getting pulled off by Cten and Sky's bodyweight.

"I CAN'T BREATHE!!!!" Zim screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Me neither!!" Vash replied desperately. There went a poof.

"Ahh, much better." Vash sighed. He laughed like a hyena right after.

"KIMI!!!! SLOW DOWWWWWN!!! PLEASE!!!" Sky cried. **_" I can't hold any longer!"_**

Kimi couldn't hear anymore, her mindbending speed carried away her words into the void of space.

Sky's fingers slipped from her grasp of his ankle, and blasted downward.

Kimi felt the sudden drop of weight, and took something more like a V-turn to rescue Sky.

"OHWHHOOOAAA!!" They all said queasily.

"I'M GONNA TOSS MY COOKIES!" Gir said happily. And indeed, he threw a fresh batch of Snickerdoodles into space. A few seconds later, he barfed.

"DOH!! GIR! Not in my face! OH! IT BUURRNS!" Zim exlaimed, but it all flung off of him in a few seconds. He shrugged.

"Sky!! I can't lose you too!! Kimi sobbed. "This is all my fault!!!!!"

"KIMI, YOU JERK!!!" Sky said through the talky- thing in her air bubble. She kept falling until you couldn't see her anymore, or her robot.

"Hmm, are you sure that she's not talking to me?" Zim said.

"I'm sure," Gir replied.

"Boy that's reassuring," Kimi sniffled.

"Aw, don't worry sis," Cten said cheerfully. "She'll be back."

"I hope so."

Sky lands on an asteroid where a little escape pod sat, and the glow of fire, and wretched giggling behind it. She peered behind the ecape pod, and saw Tak and Mimi planning (this time) to get revenge on Zim.

"May I join you?" Sky said, making Tak jump.

"You moron, I-" Tak asserted. "I mean, you want revenge on Zim too?"

"Kind of," Sky said. "I want revenge on his girlfriend."

"Good! Then come join me to figure out a plan."

"HAHAHAHA!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" they laugh evilly together.

"HEHEHEEEeeee...I dunno what we're laughing about. Do you have any marshmallows?" wondered C.C.

"Oh! I just remembered! Zim, this is very, very important," Cten said again, changing the subject. "And Vash, sorry I have to do this." Cten forces his neck to the side-

"YEEOW!"

- And puts her thumb on his jugular vein, knocking him out. BEK shivered.

"...Alrightie then!" Cten said perkily." It's time...to tell you..."

Her eyes have an eerie glow. "The Talk!!"

"AAAAAH!- wait! "The Talk"? Which "talk"?"

"The most important one!" Kimi raised her voice. "Since The Tallest haven't, we will."

"Oh, okay, tell me."

"Alright. You know when Dib wanted to know about our mating rituals?"

"...Yes..." Zim said biting his lip. "What about it?"

"Here, for the sake of the children, I'll tell you about it telepathically. Sorry kids!"

"....hmm.......really?..." Zim mumbles to himself. "But The Tallest said irkens were biotube babies!"

"Well, we are, now!" Kimi said enthusiastically.

Zim smiled. His antennae hung down , and cackled.

"What is it, Zim?" Kimi said with a concerned look on her face.

"Oh, nothing," Zim sighs."That thought made me feel all numb."

All of a sudden, he started to moan.

"Ohhhh...I don't feel so good..."

"Look out everybody he's 'a' gonna blow chunks!

Vash wakes up.

"He's going to blow what?"

"Chunks!"

"Oh!"

"I like chunks," Gir said. "Especially the breakfast kind!"

Another thing I shall tell you is that there's a kind of thing called a "Breakfast Chunk". It is just a solid block of scrap metal with a bran coating. I don't think I would like to try one.

Zim's forehead stung like a thousand bees. He felt his forehead, right above his crimson eyes. He felt little bumps.

"What's going on!?"

His eyes felt worse.

They felt like they were going to explode, right out of his head.

His antennae looked like Gir was trying to pull them out of his head. Oh, wait. Gir _was_ trying to pull them out of his head.

"WHY DOES IT HURT!?!?!"

It stopped in an instant.

"Hoo, that was weird," Zim said after the long pause."What happened?"

"Not sure," Cten said. "But I think it was because of that- um, thing you did with Kimi."

Zim and Kimi blushed at the same time, And Gir has a worried look on his face.

"What's wrong, Gir?" Kimi said, raising an eyebrow.

"You guys are mad. See? your cheeks are red."

Zim stares blankly into the multitudes stars, and sighs. Vash notices smoke coming out of his mouth when he sighed, and the bottom of his neck glowed.

"Zim? Have you been smoking?"

"I would never! Why ask such an idiotic question such as that?" Zim sneers. His neck glows brighter.

"My neck feels like somebody has put it over the grill." Zim feels his neck. "OWW!" he protests. He burps out a long, intense balt of flames. He cooks Vash's whole face.

"What was that for?" Vash grouches. "I only asking you a question! Geez!"

"I(BURP)didn't mean(buuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrp)to do it to you that(Burrrrrrp)BUUUUUUUUUUrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrpp)time(burp)!" Zim explains through balts of flame.

"Guys! I'm trying to fly here, and it would _really _help if you guys weren't trying to light a barbecue," Kimi grouched, wrinking her face in deception.

"But!-"

"We're here!" Cten interrupted.

"Hurry, get down there, fast! It looks worse than I thought!" Zim directed.

"Alrightie, _sir.And would you like fries with that?_" she mocked.

"Do not mock Zim!" He grunted. His antennae sparked with blue electricity.

They finally land.

"Back on planet Irk at last!" Zim said blissfully, while smooching the ground. "Eeyucch!" He spits out some old dirt.

"Oh my gosh..." Vash says, devistated.

Kimi looks up, seeing all of the Irkens, control of gigantic creatures. They were longer than school buses, and taller than a five - story building.

"Goodness.....!"

Zim stops to wipe off his mouth, And makes a weak gasping noise with his throat when he saw the terror; but he doesn't shed a single tear.

Cten starts to cry.

"Why us?" Cten weeped.

"Koruvogunus," Kimi said. "Nasty boogers, they are."

"Nasty _big_ boogers," Zim said. "Our biggest enemies."

"HEY YOU?!" Gir shouted in a koruvogunu's ear. "DO YOU HAVE ANY BURRI-TOS!? I'M STARVING!!"

"Gir! You_ IDIOT_!" Zim scolded. "Now that thing is going to make Irkenburgers out of us! And use YOU as his personal steel toothpick!"

"Mmm, sounds deeeelishious! When do we eat?"

"More like when _does he _eat_,_" Kimi wimpered.

"NOWWW! Bwhahahahahaha!!!!!" the korvogunu bellowed.

"RUUUUUUN!" Zim screamed.

"Don't run, Zim!" Kimi shouted. Use your fire breath to melt him like a marshmallow!"

"How?"

"Get mad."

"Get mad? That's all the knowlege you give Zim!?" He looked at the bodies, and then the monster. He had an idea.

"Alright, ungrateful behewoth of horrible tainted smell! Behold, my awesome firepower! Zim threatened. It just laughed at him.

This made Zim VERY MAD. And what made him even more angry, he saw Vash pulling out his gun to save him! Zim didn't need help!

"EEERR...RRRAAAARRRRRRRRRR!!!!!" A massive tongue of flame shot out of his mouth, and melted the koruvogunu like chocolate on a sunny sidewalk.

Zim stood there, his eyes, wide as a beach ball, about to collapse himself. He realizes what he had done.

He laughed like he had never laughed before in a situation like this.

"That's creepeey," Vash whimpered, fearful of Zim's ghastly laugh.

"Really? I find that very attractive in an Irken." Kimi comments. "Evil laughs are a big attribute to irkens, espec-"

The giant puddle started to bubble, and rise, making it into an even larger koruvogunu.

"Oh boy..." Zim squeaked.

"Zim!" Kimi shouted to him again. "Finish him off with an antennae bolt!"

"Who am I, a _Dookiemon_? Yeah, and I'm your loyal _Pikapoop, _who gives you electric foot rubs."

"Just do it already!" she threatened with a large quantity of meat.

His antennae spark wildly.

His antennae gather so much energy that Cten, who was about forty feet away, was trying to avoid sparks. The sparks clap like thunder, and Zim rams into the extremely large koruvogunu, and it recives quite a shock.

This time, it burns it to a crisp, toppiling over the immense creature.

Zim fell to the ground, exausted.

Four

"Great job, Zim!" Cten applauded for Zim.

"I never seen a more dazziling preformance than that all of my one hundered and thirty years I have ever lived!" Vash said with regretfulness.

"He did it," Kimi said wistfully. "For himself, of course."

"Kimi..." Zim said weakly. "That korvogunu over there is for you."

Kimi has big, googily eyes.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"You shouldn't have!" she says joyfully.

"I shouldn''t have?"

"No, you dunce! she's thanking you!" Cten grouched.

"Oh..!" Zim nods."I shouldn't have?"

"Can we just get on with the saving the home planet thing so we can go conquer Earth already?" Cten grouched again.

"Why did Vash take all of the glory?" Zim whined. "I would of done it myself if I had a giant robot."

"Zim, those things _ate_ all of the giant robots." Kimi said, rubbing her sore brow.

"Besides," Cten said,"You would of diedif Vash wasn't there."

"Nuh - uh!" Zim argued.

"Uh - huh."

"Nuh - uh!"

"Yeah - huh."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"NO NO NO NO **NO**!"

"Yes, YES, YES, YES, **YES!!!!!**"

"SILENCE!!!!" Kimi scoured, ending the quarrel.

"Cten, stop acting like a stubborn Earth - monkey and act like yourself!"

"Okay, _mom_."

Kimi's eyes flashed, and Cten shook her head.

"Whoa, what happened?"

"HA! I knew it! Somebody planted an irritibility bug in your brain, so you would be mean to everybody so that we would be...not paying attention to you anymore," Kimi explained.

"Now exactly who would do something so senseless?"

"Tak," Zim said disapprovingly. "I can't belive she's still alive."

"How do you know she's alive, Zim?" Kimi said, lifting an eyebrow.

"I can smell her evil stink, and I can hear her..._dispicable_ Austrailian accent for miles away."

"You really don't know if she's alive, do you?" Kimi said conspicuously.

"Nope." Zim replied.

"Or maybe I know because I have this message from her just a few months ago." Zim turns on the message.

"Prepare to die, Zim! This time, this _is _about revenge!" Tak said, following by an evil, scary laugh. MIMI stares with red, squinting eyes. The message turns off.

"Hoo, she sure is creepy," Vash elated.

"This story has too many confusing words," Cten complained disdainfully ."See, see what I mean?"

Zim scratches his head.

"Anyway, I would like to go conquer Earth now, so, let's get out of here," Zim said. "But first, I'll inform the Tallest."

He presses a button on his ID pack and a big screen pops out and settles on the ground.

"Neat," Vash comments.

Back at the armada ship, they get the transmission from Zim.

"Incoming transmission from Irk." says one of the workers.

"I can't watch!" Purple loathed.

Zim spoke in a very calm voice. "Hello, My Tallest!" Purple opened one rectangular eye.

"EEK! It's worse than I thought!"

"No, you dummy, it's Zim." Red scorns.

"Oh. AH! It's horrible!(sob, sob, sob) somebody, get me my blankie!" he whined as Purple ran under a desktop in the fetal position.

"I am proud to say the invaders have been defeated."

"By whom?" Red says suspiciously.

"Um, uh....ME! YES! ME! I AM THE HERO!!! HURRAY FOR ZIM!" Zim lied.

"_Really?_"

"-Ow! My mistake! That GLORY STEALING, SPOOTY HUMAN OVER THERE DID!!!" Zim bursts out in a rage.

"Exactly How many did you kill, Zim?" Purple snickered, at the same time coming out of his hiding place..

"One."

"HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!" they burst out into stupid laughter.

"Stop laughing! I order you to stop! Right now! Please STOP LAUGHING!!!!" Zim cried.

"STOP-"

"EEEEEEEEYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Zim screeches, as the Tallest stopped laughing when they saw this.

Zim's chest glowed so bright, that it would look like the brightest star in the sky. An enraged dragon roared from inside of him. The constellation "Draco" came to life. And all of the planets that orbited the stars of draco became the color of it. The Tallest screamed like little girls.

The mouth of the constellation opened wide.

"WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!" Red shrieked.

"WE'RE SORRY! WE'RE SORRY! JUST DON'T LET IT EAT US!!!"

Zim's eyes glowed green. The dragon bellowed so loud, that Dib heard it. every single planet, star, black hole, anything on the side where it's mouth was blew away to the other side of space.

"Whoa, what's that?" Dib exclaimed. He looked out the window. He saw the dragon, which was the source of the sound.

"Dib! What are you doing up there?" Professor Membrane hollered.

"Nothing! I swear! Come upstairs! You gotta see this!"

"There better not be any talking gerbils in your room!...That goes for body fluids that can work the oven, too." he said as he marched up the stairs to his room.

He opened the door, followed by Gaz, who had a tiny purple moose on top of her head.

"Dib, get this ugly thing off of my head, or face my vengeful wrath!" Gaz threatened through her tightly clenched teeth.

"Hey! That's Zim's Minimoose! I can do some experiments on it!" Dib yanked it off her purple hair and put it in a cage. "Nyeeeak!" Minimoose snapped, which "Nyeeeak" means: "Yo, man. This ain't cool."

"Now, son, what did you want to show me?" asked the Professor.

"That!" he said, pointing to the active constellation.

"Oh, son," He chuckled. "That's only your imagination running wild again."

"BUT IT'S RIGHT THERE! YOU JUST SAW IT!" Dib yelled angrily.

"Oh, that's only possible because I caught your insaneness." he replies. "Gaz, can you call the Crazy House for Professors, please?"

"Aww, not already," Gaz murmured.

"But!-"

"No buts, son. Can't you see I'm insane?"

Gaz walked out of the door, and she called the Crazy House for Professors, and three people come to take Professor Membrane.

"The're coming to take me away! HA HA! HEE HEE! HO HO!" he said as they dragged him into the truck. "HA HA! HEE HEE! HO HO!!" the padded tuck drove away as he sang.

You moron! You drove Dad insane!" Gaz barked. "I know I'll be next, I'm leaving!"

Gaz puts on her coat, and packs her backpack with her esstentials.

"Fine! I'll just take care of myself." Dib shouted. "Or not. Gaz! Wait for me!"

"Nobody ever saw this, and we'll pretend that it never happened," Zim sighed, finally calming down. The constellation went back to where it belonged. Kimi glanced at Zim, alluringly.

Minimoose teleports himself in front of Gir.

"What?" Zim grouched at her.

"Nothing," she studdered. "What are you looking at? Do I look like a tv screen to you?"

"No, 'I' looks like this!" Gir held up a piece of paper that had a capital "I" on it.

"You're such a stupid robot," Zim grunted. Everybody laughed exept him.

"I love you!" BEK squeaks, squeezing Gir so hard that his head popped off. Vash didn't want his mind to be any more terminated than it was then.

"Ummm.... I think I'll be leaving."

The Tallest had finally calmed down themselves just enough to talk in a normal - pitched voice.

"That was awful," Red moped.

"WHAT?!

"That was aw-"

"I CAN'T HEAR!! That roar was_ too loud_!"

Red grins. He pressed a button, and a laser blasted into Purple's eye.

"DEYADIHJA!!!!" Purple hollered.

Purple gets up. Another laser hits his eye.

"OWWW! "

He does it again, while eating some Chipz.

And again, and again, and again..........


End file.
